Struggles
by bluecup94
Summary: AU Janto slash. Set post-COE except Gwen died instead of Ianto. First of a three-part series. Jack and Ianto have to find themselves again after such a traumatic experience


**Struggles**

**Disclaimer: ****Hey, wanna know why I look so sad? It's because I own none of this apart from the plot =(**

"I can't believe it..." Jack said, his voice floating off into the distance.

"I know..." Ianto added. They were both staring down at the body placed neatly in the bodybag.

"I mean, I literally cannot believe this is happening!" Jack continued.

"I know." Ianto agreed, a little more forcefully this time.

"I honestly-" Jack started again.

"Alright Jack I've got it!" Ianto cut in, his voice sharp and seemingly irked. Jack looked over at him oddly.

"Ok Yan, sorry." Jack apologised. He looked down at the floor sadly and Ianto felt as if he was about to throw up.

"I'm going to wait in the car." He said glumly, before trudging out of the building with heavy, dragging steps. Jack watched him go, confused. What was wrong with Ianto? Gwen was lying before him dead in a bodybag and he didn't even want to hang around long enough to say a goodbye? She was a most valued member of the team and was indispensible during those past 5 horrific days in which they had been battling the 456 and now they had killed her. So what was his problem?

Jack paid his final respects to the stone cold corpse before him and got up, his mood somewhat soured by Ianto's apparent moodswings and rude attitude. How could he act like that towards her? She'd only been dead a matter of hours and in those past months with Tosh and Owen gone she was nothing but help and comfort to both the men. Now a third member of the team was dead but Ianto didn't seem to care! Jack sighed and pulled his hands down his face, how was Torchwood going to cope now with only two operatives left? He dreaded to think. Jack sighed once more as he exited the building they had been in and saw the SUV with a depressed looking Ianto in the passenger seat. Jack climbed into the driver's seat. Ianto didn't even look up from where he was staring at the floor of the car. Jack took one look at him and decided it best to leave it until they got back to the Hub. Ianto obviously thought the same thing as the whole car journey went by silently, not even a sound passing between them.

Back at the Hub, Ianto was quick to get away from Jack, he went straight up to the kitchen and Jack had had enough.

"Ianto Jones, get down here now!" Jack shouted up the steps. Ianto appeared at the top looking sour-faced.

"I'm not 5 years old Jack, you could treat me like an adult." Ianto commented bitterly. Jack scoffed.

"When you start acting like one, I'll start treating you like one." He retorted.

"Oh don't try it." Ianto said, his voice raising above normal level. Jack just stared at him, he felt like he didn't even know Ianto today.

"Ianto, why are you doing this?" Jack asked, his tact changing to a pleading one. Ianto cut his eyes at him and growled under his breath.

"Doing what? Disrespecting you?" Ianto asked sarcastically, " Well maybe you should have thought of that when you and Gwen were having such a lovely time shagging right beneath mine and Rhys' noses!" Ianto was screaming by this point and tears started running furiously down his cheeks. Jack's breath caught in his throat. He knew? Shit.

"Yan..." Jack started apologetically. Ianto held up his hand.

"Don't even go there. I can't even stand to be around you right now." Ianto stomped down the steps and pushed past Jack and ran out of the tourist entrance and into Roald Dahl Plass. Ianto didn't even know where he wanted to go, he just knew it was away from the Hub. His phone started ringing instantly. Ianto checked the screen just in case it was anyone other than- no, it was. Jack. Ianto pressed the reject button and started walking through the crowds of people and into a nearby cafe, the one that did the most acceptable coffee in Cardiff. He ordered a black coffee and put his head in his hands. Gwen had told him about her and Jack's little love fest only 2 days ago. Ianto didn't know where he stood anymore, of course he knew what Jack was like but he thought he had been different to Jack, more special. Maybe not because otherwise Jack wouldn't have done that... Would he? Ianto was so confused and he was hurting immensely. He was missing Jack but at the same time he couldn't stand to be around him and they hadn't so much as kissed in at least 3 days. That must have been a record for them. Ianto sighed as more thoughts of Jack floated softly through his mind. The waiter came over with his coffee and he thanked him before he retrieved his phone from his pocket. 1 message received. Ianto knew what was coming but he couldn't resist looking at it.

_Ianto, please please just come back to me. Let me explain and then you can decide for yourself what you want. Just give me a chance. Please. Jack x_

Ianto thought about it but he couldn't bare facing up to this problem, he'd rather just try and ignore it, which he knew was bad but he couldn't physically do anything else. His mind wouldn't allow it. Ianto put his phone back in his pocket and stared down at his bog standard cup of coffee. Ianto drank it grudgingly and considered his next move. He knew deep inside that what he really wanted was to go back to the Hub and hear Jack's story and forgive him straight away but he didn't know if he could just do that. He was hurt and what Jack had done was unacceptable and if it was anyone but Jack, Ianto would've ended it right there and then, but it WAS Jack, and he knew he couldn't live without him. He'd never be able to face himself again. Or get out of bed for that matter.

Ianto stood up and left the cafe. He stood for a minute looking up at the massive water tower and counted himself lucky at the people he'd got to meet and the places he'd got to go due to his job at Torchwood, but mostly he thought of Tosh, Owen and Gwen. 3 Torchwood operatives who could never ever be replaced in his and Jack's hearts, no matter who took over their jobs. He turned away, shamefaced at his cowardice. There was only one place left to go, his apartment.

He collected his car and drove to his apartment, it felt foreign to him now. He spent pretty much all of his time at the Hub, either working or just being with Jack. If he was honest, Ianto wasn't entirely sure why he still had his own apartment he was practically living with Jack anyway. He supposed it was because the Hub was cluttered enough as it was, it didn't need any more of his junk to fill it up. Ianto turned the kettle on and got a coffee filter prepared. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, unsure of what he should be doing anymore. He made his coffee, picked the duvet off his bed and wrapped himself up in it, deciding to feel sorry for himself while he had the opportunity to.

He rolled the situation over and over in his mind until he came to a decision. He unpeeled himself from the duvet cocoon and checked the time. 18.56. How long had it been since he'd last eaten anything? Oh well, he'd have to save that for later, he had an apology to accept. He picked his car keys up, spirits somewhat lifted and headed back for the Hub...

He smiled to himself before entering via the tourist office. The cog door rolled open and the smell hit him, cordite. 'Oh no' Ianto groaned. He could've guessed this would happen, and he knew what he'd find if he went down to the firing range. He felt insanely guilty already, he just had to leave Jack alone in that state for a prolonged period of time didn't he? Stupid, stupid Ianto! It was Jack's tradition that whenever he was very very upset about something, he would take as many guns as he could carry down to the practise range, shoot through a few targets, and then practise on himself. He'd done it the last time him and Ianto had argued.

As Ianto went further down towards the practising range the smell of cordite grew stronger and stronger. Ianto got in there and the place was a wreck. Approximately 10 obliterated targets lay on the floor, bullet holes puncturing them in several places each but Jack had saved the Webley for himself. He lay on the floor, his body in tatters, evidence of the Webley's use spread across his chest and torso. Ianto was at a loss as to what to do, it was awful for him to see the person he loved most in the world looking so helpless and hurt. Jack was never normally this bad. Ianto decided to pick Jack up and take him upstairs and put him on the sofa and just sit with him until he woke up. He knew he was lucky in that respect that no matter how old he got, he'd never have to lose Jack, but Jack would have to lose him and Ianto didn't want to think about that now. Ianto laid Jack down carefully, pulled a chair up beside it and just held Jack's hand and talked to him softly.

It got to 1 o clock in the morning and Ianto was getting worried, it had been several hours now and Jack showed no signs of waking up. He was also extremely tired but he knew he wasn't going anywhere until he knew that Jack was alright.

"Please wake up Jack. I'm sorry." Ianto whispered. Jack remained still as a statue. Ianto groaned and let his eyelids drop closed.

Ianto awoke with a start. He was now on the sofa with a blanklet wrapped around him. He smiled. Jack. He checked his watch, 7.20 am. Speaking of the devil, where WAS Jack?

"Feeling better Yan?" Jack asked, beaming, jumping into Ianto's line of vision. Ianto smiled.

"Much thank you. And yourself?" Ianto looked up into Jack's crystal blue eyes.

"Now that you're here of course I am. Now give me a chance to explain." Jack asked. Ianto shook his head.

"No. Leave it, it's fine." Ianto replied. He realised it didn't matter what had happened between Jack and Gwen because Jack still loved him and he had his reasons why he did what he did. It wasn't important to him anymore.

"I overreacted and I'm sorry." Ianto said, getting up and hugging Jack tightly. Jack smiled and rested his chin on the top of Ianto's head.

"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for doing it in the first place. It was wrong and I'll never do it again. In fact, there's something I want to say to you." Jack prepared himself with a VERY deep breath. Ianto looked up at him expectantly.

All of a sudden, the screens started to flash uncontrollably. 'Oh for Fuck's sake!' Jack thought to himself irritably. He went over to the monitors with Ianto following behind.

"What is it?" Ianto asked, looking at the odd warnings on the screen.

"I'm not entirely sure..." Jack replied, concentrating on figuring out what all this information meant, "6 dead. Already..." He said vaguely, reading off the screen in front of him.

"Sounds like mass Weevil attacks from the details here. Do you think it's connected to the 456?" Ianto asked, worriedly. Jack shook his head.

"No. I wouldn't have thought so. Although a sudden Weevil rampage is a little strange I have to admit. Come on, we'd better go and sort this mess out." Jack decided. He grabbed his great coat which was conveniently placed on the chair in front of him and Ianto took the keys to the SUV out of the desk drawer and threw them to his boss. Jack caught them without so much as glancing up from where his gaze was focused on the monitor, gathering last minute info that could be of use to them. It was also Torchwood's job to do cover-up's like this and after Tosh passed away, Gwen had taken over her role of creating the cover up stories, and now that she to had suffered the same fate Ianto supposed it would be up to him to do that job.

As the SUV swerved dangerously through the Cardiff city streets Ianto wondered if Jack would want to employ more members and how he would go about that when he didn't have many acquaintances and of those he did know, not many actually liked him! Ianto's ponderings were cut short as he realised they'd arrived. Both men climbed out of the SUV and strolled straight into the crime scene like they owned the place. The SOCO opened his mouth as if to say something but Jack cut him off.

"Save it. Torchwood, where are the bodies?" The SOCO looked startled then just pointed about 200 yards down the road, obviously unsettled by the military man's authority.

"Whoa, you can hardly call those bodies Jack. More like pulp." Ianto commented, looking down at the mush of blood and organs.

"That's odd, Weevils don't usually make this much of a mess when it comes to their victims." Jack muttered, examining the pile of red stuff. Ianto thought back to all the previous times he'd been to scenes of this nature.

"You're right, they normally like to tidy up pretty well after themselves." Ianto added. Jack looked up at him and Ianto got the impression that he wasn't helping. Jack continued to scan the evidence and then went back up to the SOCO.

"Excuse me, are all the bodies in this condition?" Jack inquired. The SOCO nodded.

"All 6, yes. Just piles of body parts really. It's tragic and more than a bit mysterious." The SOCO replied. Jack waved him away.

"Yeah sure whatever." He said before turning back to Ianto.

"What can you conclude?" Ianto asked, as him and Jack made their way back to the SUV.

"The only thing I could draw is that it was a minimum of 8 Weevils to each victim, but that's a total of 48 Weevils, and the last time we checked we knew of only 17 weevils in the whole of Cardiff so what's caused this sudden drastic rise?" Jack was more talking to himself than to Ianto but Ianto listened anyway.

"How long do you think it will take to find out?" Ianto questioned. Jack considered.

"Well, I have a feeling it will be no easy task and considering the events of the past few days I feel we should just get a good night's rest and start in the morning." Jack said. Ianto nodded.

"Good idea." He agreed.

When they returned to the Hub, Jack put his arms around Ianto and kissed him.

"I've missed that. Right, I'll write up the information that we've gathered from the SOC to make it easier for tomorrow and then I'll tell you what I was going to say before we left because it really is very important." Jack decided with a smile.

"Ok." Ianto said, giving Jack one more kiss before going off to keep himself occupied while Jack wrote their findings up.

Ianto watched as Jack typed the last few words and entered it in. Jack took Ianto up in his arms again and led him to the sofa where they sat down facing each other. Jack prepared himself again and took Ianto's hand.

"Ianto, I love you very very much and I don't think I've ever expressed to you just how much. I want to know if you would do me the honour of marrying me." Ianto gasped. He couldn't believe his ears. He just gave a small nod of acceptance. A huge grin broke out on both their faces and Jack kissed Ianto in a flurry of passion.

"How about we go and get started on our wedding night...?" Jack questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh how can I resist?" Ianto laughed. They'd barely stumbled through the door to Jack's office when the clothes were off and it was all going down. They were too caught up in the moment to notice the warning light on the monitors downstairs showing the wormhole that had appeared in the centre of Cardiff and was growing bigger by the minute, and the havoc it was about to wreak on the streets of Cardiff...

**A/N: ****Right... This could get a little confusing but basically, this oneshot can stand alone if you wish, but there is a sequel and a threequel that are crossovers with the Merlin fandom (with Merthur in there) so if you want to read those then they should be up quite soon... I'll see what I can do =) Feel free to R&R and have a lovely day, my lovely readers!**


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